Always apart.

It will always be me

The sharp air will always bruise my knuckles

Dry my throat 

Chap my vessels

I will always be singing hoarse next to a frozen person playing guitar

Hoping for seven dollars.

It will always be me 

Walking half sane alone down any slowly curving road

Listening

Three months gets me an iPod

Playing music that makes me feel vindicated

Sounds that penetrate my reason

It will always be me

Dreaming of, still, and hating 

The cozy false comforts of abuse

Whatever kind.

It's not what I will ever be

But it will always be me

It will always.

A Typical One Night Stand.

You unbutton my cords

And Louis CK is playing on tv

He's declaring, declaring.

You're trying, trying

You're attempting to get me somewhere

And I don't care

All I want is comedy!

Comedy!

All I find is comedy!

Comedy!

I don't care.

Nope.

"Kill your idols"

Such a quick-witted bit

A waltz into an idea that quickly

means nothing

Your voice turns to brass so quickly

When I am not in love

The bruises take longer to disappear

Than you do

And I mean that in the way

That I prefer bruises

Sometimes I want to get into a fight.

Sometimes I want to kick and yell

White noise of suppressed anger

But you are radio silence

You are all radio silence,

You bruise-givers

You skin-diggers

You mind-benders

You are only breaking your own heart

I don't want to watch the macabre

I am tired of shows

Well I'm an artist

I'm trying so hard not to be one

Because it's in vogue to be an artist

The problem with being an artist is all the 

Neglect

I'm sorry job

I'm sorry apartment and bills

I'm sorry child

Can I transcend parenthood

Can I 

Well I'm an artist 

Science.

I heard about the stars

That the magnesium created

By their burning out

Was also an element common to the human body

Close to the heart

That so much power and fire

Is what we are made of

Is terrific to me

I am made of so much magnesium

So much bright light crashing and burning

So much under pressure smoldering

So much black hole pull

Watch me explode!

My own fault

I always strived for stardom

Of now

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

Stuck between

Remember how we used to be

Liz Marie?

Heading out, adventure!

Let's get weird talking to people in trees

Let's

Wear headdresses and listen to modern folktronica

Mostly what I miss is the empty.

Pit of stomach, Walls of chest,

Death of hope,

It's been a while! Golly!

Inside out me was raw

But a different type of striking

A different type of beautiful

Like watching something small

Die brutally

Dinner theatre!

How do I keep but leave?

Girlfriends

Girls as friends

You're the best temporary fix I've ever had

I have issues

Hair issues

Nails issues

Skin issues

Inner labial issues

God dammit you get it

But then you fuck me like any guy

And my hair is too much for me

I bite all my nails off

I ignore my toner moisturizer makeup

And I fuck anything that moves

Girls as friends 

You are useless

What happens.

Spent inside your head

The walk home seems mysterious

ly slow and I am grateful for the time travel

"Nothing you can say or do

Can help me now

I've gone too far

I can't go back"

My early teenage reverie is a mantra 

To me still

And I keep saying to myself in singsong 

This is happening,

This is happening!

Stoned

Tight
Slow
Ease
No
It's not happening tonight

Blank walls
You're undone
Close and far
Dry run
But it's not happening tonight

Barrier.

Tired of face in still
Capture an image and I dare you
To make it more than imaginary
The weird sensation of caressing paper,
fingertips hovering over a screen
Electric artificial chill
Unidentifiable shiver
All I want is touch

Reboundless

Soundless
I'm meant for caresses
Tell me about your wants
Tell me about your

Boundless
I'm meant for love
Sell me on all your needs
Sell me on all your

a war for rest: one

Shove into a cool damp green
Harboring memories of sensations never experienced
For a flash all I want is dirt smell
Wet leaves on my cheek
The sound of water
And a taste of internal indifference
How kind is that moment
Never won?

excuses: two

What is this urge
To do more
I constantly mentally reject joy
To become
What (?) I don't have:
Is clarity of vision
Push aside cardigans and cupcakes
What I need to excel (?):
Is the strength of you and
What I need to be great is personal
Solidarity (?):
Is my weakness and opportunity
Having nothing is all I have to offer
All I've given so far
Requires so much

excuses: one

flaking off
colors layer in shallow craters
lacking smooth veneer
made more vibrant interesting
desirable
don't repaint me

03/11/13

tiny flash
flesh
skin
Deign to tell where I have been

new then over
start 

done
Sparkle bright as if we'd won

Fight.

From slow porches in southern North America
To smoke filled rooms
And the strange logic of secondary education
Small minded, No
Passionate
Post college no college rough lobstermen
Indigo collars of
Those educated in streets and seas
Collars only stiff from ice salt or dirt
Strange soft vulnerable minds
And calloused bodies
Eyes sagging bagging to souls

Worn empathetic hands raise high
Fists bundling
Personal struggle
These
Are the revolutionaries
These are the chests bursting with emotion misidentified.

But more accurately--